Engagement Pictures!

I love this man!

can you see the ring!?

what a sweetheart!

60 more days!

Soon-to-be times two!

The soon-to-be Moore's

Bride's to be... :)

And another thing...

I didn't choose to be born in America. I could have just as easily been born in India. Into a buddist family. I had no say-so where I would spend this life or what circustances would surround my existance. Not my choice. How then can we reason that where we spend eternity (especially in light of the fact that we don't control where and therefore who we are on earth) has anything to do with a decision on our part. Read Romans 9. How could we think that "finding God," "accepting grace," "Inviting Jesus into our heart" are in actuality, real actions that we do? There's some things about me I can't take any credit for. I speak English and have curly hair. I cannot reject either of these qualities. I can speak a different language or straighten my hair, but the fact is, I am the way I am. These are integral parts of the whole of me, but just because that is true doesn't mean I can take any credit for them. Ephesians 2:8-10 Even the good that we do, God prepared in advance for us to do. I don't get it, but I know it.

Heart exam and the Matrix

You should go to blockbuster and rent the Matrix. It's rated R and I don't like to watch rated R stuff, but in this case, I think you should watch it. It gets at the heart of what's been rollin around in my brain a lot lately. The idea that what we see is not real. That all this that our senses tell us is there, is actually a facade... the real, the lasting, isn't to be beheld with our eyes, our ears, our hands. They are only vessels through which we interpret, through which we aquire the information into the part of us that is real.

This sounds really out there.

I'm reading a book called "War of Words" by Paul David Tripp. It's one of the books Benjamin and I have to read as part of our pre-marital counseling. It's good. I recommend it. It's all about how communication struggles are not fixed by learning skills or techniques of how to communicate. That's why oftentimes conflict resolution techniques based on counting to 10 or going through certain steps fail. The struggles we see with our eyes are struggles of the heart.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12

Our words, our actions and reactions are an indicator. A litmus test of what is real. They are not the source of the struggle. Harsh words or an abrasive attitude is not the main point. They point to the main point. An untamed tongue resulting from a corrupt heart. Do not be fooled by this illusion as I have so often been in the past.

A litmus test only tells you how acidic or basic a solution is... it is an indicator of something much more. If all you were to look at was the litmus paper, and you never altered the solution, your work would be futile. Our words are the litmus paper of our hearts. Luke 6:43-46

Like the scene where Neo is in his office taking orders from the man on his cell phone, we are here, and cannot see what to do or where to go next. The scene where he goes to see the Oracle is good too.. where she says, "it's ok" then he breaks a plate and says he's sorry, and she says, "i said it's ok" and he is confused about how she knew what would happen. Then she says, "what will really cook your noodle later on is whether or not you would have broken the plate had I not said it's ok." Very interesting. Very good movie.

Also interesting: It is God who works in us to will and to act according to His good purpose.

Here's a lil test at the end of the chapter i just read:
1. Do you tend to blame your negative communication on situations?
traffic
schedule
finances
vehicle
extended family
2. Do you tend to blame others?
roomates
bf, gf
mom, dad
co-workers
3. Do you tend to blame God? "If only I had..."
more money
a more loving, supportive extended family
better roomates
a more reasonable boss
more time

"Examine your heart with hope, remembering that "if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 john 1:9)"

This is a tough issue for me to deal with, but I'd rather know about the matrix than be ignorant of it. Praise be to God who removed the scales from my eyes.

ASL club officers and advisors after the "ASL expressions" night. We're spelling out CLEMSON. I love these folks!

pretty pretty.. each month they change the theme.. this month is a lunar theme. i like i like

This is the womens faculty bathroom at Pendleton high school. It is wondeful. You go in and there are lit candles, little candies and even nice tp. It's my nice little oasis away from the crazies of high school life

where's the line?

when does faith become a burden? Jesus says his burden is light. He never talks about wanting us to have a burden of any sort, I looked it up. So when I feel bad, for not doing a good job of sharing specifics about who he is and what he's done with other people, should I? Well regardless, i do. I feel like it's selfish and that I must not really understand what He's done if I'm not shouting it from the rooftops. But then sometimes shouting it from the rooftops can do more harm to the cause than good. There is a delicate balance between being sensitive to others and still battling on with the battering ram of Truth. When I miss an opportunity to tell somebody about the Lord, or do something to advance His kingdom, and I get that uggh, feeling, is that the Holy Spirit, chiding me for not listening? Does it work like that?

Maybe in my heart of hearts, I think the Lord will be more pleased with me if I do more for Him. Like when I enter into heaven, he'll whisper a little something extra to me telling me how proud he is. Pride. Stupid pride. God looks at Jesus when he looks at me. I cannot add to the finished work of Christ on the cross. I want to tell other people about it, but if I don't, does it matter? God's purposes will be served regardless of whether or not he uses me to accomplish them. Before there was time, he had written in the Lamb's book of life, those that would partake in His kingdom feast. The guest list has been made. If I do or don't tell someone, it doesn't change the fact that they are or aren't going to be in heaven.

This is making me crazy.

God USES us to accomplish the work, so it is Him that works in us to accomplish his purposes. But really he doesn't need us. I mean he's been known to use talking donkey's among other interesting vessels. Where do I fit in here? I know I have to live this life that is set before me, but I have a missionary heart and I am trapped in a place that you aren't allowed to talk about God. Yesterday, in a cloning debate, one of my students brought up the question of whether or not God would give a clone a soul. Some of the other kids scoffed at such a "ridiculous" question, but I thought it was a good one. But I had to respond that since science couldn't measure or calculate God, we couldn't factor Him into the equation. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I said that. I kicked the Lord out of my classroom. Maybe I should teach in a Christian school. But my Jesus said, "It's not the righteous, but sinners I came to save. " So here I am.

I appologize for the ramblings. I'm just unhappy with my current state of spirit. Would God give me a heart that wants to GO and then ask me to STAY? Seems to me like that would be cruel.
I trust Him, i just am full of questions. Time is short. So short. I do not, with everything that is in me, do NOT want to waste it.

Lord, in your goodness and for your glory, let me not waste this. Praise you that you can use even me. Bless me by using me. You could use anything or anyone, and if you would rather, then I understand. We glorify you by enjoying you. I enjoy you when I tell others of you. Work in me to accomplish this thing. You know what you made me for. Do not let me be anything other than everything you had in mind. Let your hand keep me from slipping, that I may stand before you, confident in Christ. Thank you for being satisfied with that. He is enough. Do not let me value earned rewards over free grace. Work this truth in me. Praise you that I don't have to do anything else. Teach me that to live is Christ and to die is gain. Time is short. Haste the molding of my heart. Give me patience til it is finished. I love you Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.

sheesh

I lost the class bunny today. I let the kids take him out of the cage to roam around during class only to find him missing when the bell rang.
That wasn't good.

It's the worst thing when you burn your tongue. It totally puts it out of comission for at least a day. And it isn't even like you got to enjoy the thing you were so eager to taste either- cause it burns your tongue on the first sip, so you can't even taste the rest of it. And you'd think a girl would learn... but no, here I sit, with a burnt tongue unable to taste any good thing.

I don't particularly like the word tongue. I think it's the "n" and the "gue" put together that gets me.

My kids were awful today. It must've been the barameteric pressure. One girl got an attitude with me and almost made me cry. Girls are way meaner than guys. I am ready to be done with this student teaching stuff.

Benjamin thinks your pronounce Esther: ES-THer, like, with the TH sound pronounced. I declare that it is most definately NOT that, and that it is instead EST-HER. His argument is that you do not pronounce Thelma, Ta-Helma. He's got a point, but you most certainly do not say THomas. I win.

76 more days til I don't have to tell him goodbye anymore.

Some people like the smell of rain. I think it stinks.

My house is still a wreck. Pray for Mrs. J's sanity, poor thing.

My mom wants to have a bubble machine going while we cut the cake. She is hilarious. Gotta love her.

Tis good to vent on blog.

Blog's away!

Man, the blog world is booming! Seems like everybody and their brother is getting one! It's hilarious. Seeing as how I live in a HOLE this semester. (wake up before the crack of dawn, go to school, teach, teach, eat, teach, leave, come home, grade papers, eat, plan, sleep) it's a good way to keep up with people. To all of you who I haven't talked to in what seems like a bazillion years.. thank goodness heaven lasts forever! That should be plenty of time to catch up! Til then.. blog away!