where's the line?

when does faith become a burden? Jesus says his burden is light. He never talks about wanting us to have a burden of any sort, I looked it up. So when I feel bad, for not doing a good job of sharing specifics about who he is and what he's done with other people, should I? Well regardless, i do. I feel like it's selfish and that I must not really understand what He's done if I'm not shouting it from the rooftops. But then sometimes shouting it from the rooftops can do more harm to the cause than good. There is a delicate balance between being sensitive to others and still battling on with the battering ram of Truth. When I miss an opportunity to tell somebody about the Lord, or do something to advance His kingdom, and I get that uggh, feeling, is that the Holy Spirit, chiding me for not listening? Does it work like that?

Maybe in my heart of hearts, I think the Lord will be more pleased with me if I do more for Him. Like when I enter into heaven, he'll whisper a little something extra to me telling me how proud he is. Pride. Stupid pride. God looks at Jesus when he looks at me. I cannot add to the finished work of Christ on the cross. I want to tell other people about it, but if I don't, does it matter? God's purposes will be served regardless of whether or not he uses me to accomplish them. Before there was time, he had written in the Lamb's book of life, those that would partake in His kingdom feast. The guest list has been made. If I do or don't tell someone, it doesn't change the fact that they are or aren't going to be in heaven.

This is making me crazy.

God USES us to accomplish the work, so it is Him that works in us to accomplish his purposes. But really he doesn't need us. I mean he's been known to use talking donkey's among other interesting vessels. Where do I fit in here? I know I have to live this life that is set before me, but I have a missionary heart and I am trapped in a place that you aren't allowed to talk about God. Yesterday, in a cloning debate, one of my students brought up the question of whether or not God would give a clone a soul. Some of the other kids scoffed at such a "ridiculous" question, but I thought it was a good one. But I had to respond that since science couldn't measure or calculate God, we couldn't factor Him into the equation. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I said that. I kicked the Lord out of my classroom. Maybe I should teach in a Christian school. But my Jesus said, "It's not the righteous, but sinners I came to save. " So here I am.

I appologize for the ramblings. I'm just unhappy with my current state of spirit. Would God give me a heart that wants to GO and then ask me to STAY? Seems to me like that would be cruel.
I trust Him, i just am full of questions. Time is short. So short. I do not, with everything that is in me, do NOT want to waste it.

Lord, in your goodness and for your glory, let me not waste this. Praise you that you can use even me. Bless me by using me. You could use anything or anyone, and if you would rather, then I understand. We glorify you by enjoying you. I enjoy you when I tell others of you. Work in me to accomplish this thing. You know what you made me for. Do not let me be anything other than everything you had in mind. Let your hand keep me from slipping, that I may stand before you, confident in Christ. Thank you for being satisfied with that. He is enough. Do not let me value earned rewards over free grace. Work this truth in me. Praise you that I don't have to do anything else. Teach me that to live is Christ and to die is gain. Time is short. Haste the molding of my heart. Give me patience til it is finished. I love you Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.