New blog with LOTS of pics :)

I have been accused of not giving an adequate account of my sweet wedding, so I would like to direct you to my new site to view some pics that my aunt took on the "big day" as well as some honeymoon pictures.. to see them all , you can click on archives.. i'll be blogging from this site from now on :) see ya there!

www.jessicahryan.blogspot.com

Sometime God just wollups you upside the noggin!

So after I finished writing my marathon blog yesterday, my little sister, Becca came over. She's 11 and she didn't have anything to do yeseterday, so she called and asked if she could just come hang out. So she did. Becca is the daughter of my mom and stepdad who were divorced when she was seven years old. (That's how old I was when my mom and dad were divorced as well) We can relate on a lot of things and understand each other probably better than anybody else ever could since we've both been through the same exact thing at the same age.

We had a really great time together yesterday. She helped me run errands all around town- returning wedding gifts and getting my knives sharpened (ace hardware will sharpen your knives for $1.50 a piece. It beats buying new knives!) and picking up dry cleaning (kleen care in lexington does men's dress shirts for $0.95 ! As a wife I'm learning cool things like this!) So anyway, we had a great time together and we got to talk a lot. We came back to my house and she said, "wouldn't it be neat if we made Benjamin something for when he comes home?!" (he had gone to Greenville to play golf at the Cliffs with his brothers- rough life!) So I said, why don't we bake him cake, and she said to me, "You can do that?" And I said, "what do you mean?" And she said, "You can bake a cake at your house?! " and I said, "umm, yeah, how do you do it?!" and she said "well, we always just get them at the store, I didn't know you could make them at home!?"

I was blown away. Then I realized what had happened- she lives with her dad- she sees our mom every other weekend, but most of the time they are on the road or out and about- anyway, she had seriously never baked a cake before. It kinda broke my heart a little because little girls should get to bake cakes. They should get to wear aprons that are too big and crack eggs into batter and accidentally get some of the shell in there and have to perform a rescue mission to get it out, and they should get to lick the bowl and the beaters and get the batter on their nose when they do- but she had never gotten to experience any of that because her life was torn in two when she was small...

to make a long story short, it was a day of broken vases and I realized how very precious she was to me and how there is nothing in the world I would trade for her.. God he better than I did what was good for me, and his broken vase was better than any perfect one I could make..

i felt a lot like joseph who told his brothers, "what you intended for harm, God intended for good...."

I serve that same God! Praise Him!

A marathon blog about a couple of things that have been on my brain

Some dear friends from Clemson, the Kriders, gave us a "one year book of Christian History" where there's a different story about a different giant of the faith everyday. I really like it. I am not much of a history buff. I didn't pass the AP exam in High School, but I do like Christian History. It blows my mind how lots of times we don't care to know about our past as Christians.. anyway.. i read a good one the other day that I think applies to my current situation- sorta. the title of it is "The message was the same, but the results were quite different." And it tells about how in 1740 John Wesley went to preach in Europe and not one person cared to know anything about Christ, they were all just interested in coming to church to see who else was there and chat with their friends. He didn't have one convert. Then 105 years later in 1845, a guy named James Caughey (i don't really know who he is, but the story is about him) went to the same exact place, preching the same exact thing- the good news of the salvation that comes through claiming Jesus's payment for your sin- and I'll have you know that there were 1412 people who asked Christ to pay their sin debt during the week-long revival he had there. And, I'm not big on counting converts, because who can really know anyway, but these methodists organized a follow-up of the new converts where they got them involved and plugged into a sunday school-type class, each one had a mentor, i mean, nobody slipped through the cracks.. they didn't just count them that day, they added them to the body of the church that was there- how awesome! I want that! I want a thousand people to come to know the Lord through being in contact with me for a week! I bet John Wesley did too.. but it didn't happen. Should he be sad? Should he be disappointed? Well I can tell you I would be. 1 Corinthians 3:7 says, "The ones who do the planting or watering aren't important, but God is important because he is the one who makes the seed grow. " Both of these men served God faithfully. They brought the same message and obeyed the same Lord in sharing it. However, there were different results. I am so STUCK on wanting the results that i can't just be joyful and content in living the life of a servant who daily takes up her cross, follows and obeys her savior. And it's frustrating. And the most part of me says that God is in control. But there is a small part of me(and small parts can be a big problem, if you've ever had a splinter in your foot you know) that says that I have or will or can mess it up. I that I am not following, I am not listening, obeying, doing... whatever... I have often thought of it as a crystal vase. (I got like 17 of them for wedding gifts- that and pewter platters, why?!) Anyway- I really like them. And I like to put flowers in them. I love both the kind with all the cuts and carvings in them so that the light sparkles all pretty in them, and I like the smooth, elegant ones that are just glass, but beautiful and simple. So here's where this ties in- Romans 8:28 says that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. That's my life verse. I cling to it. it's even in my IM screenname, so you know it's gotta be big! :) SO- He promises to use all things together for good. I once wrote a blog about a broken vase, and that Jesus took the punishment for breaking the vase after the kid had played ball in the house.. so I think about it maybe like that God takes all those broken pieces of that vase and puts them together making a very beautiful and dazziling new vase.. he makes a new creation, still a vase, still of the same crystal, but in a new form, but it's nice since he made it. Alright, here's the thing- I want the original vase. I don't want the glued together pretty one. I want the one without a crack in it. I know God can take my broken pieces and make them into beautiful creation, but I don't want Him to. I don't want Him to use everything for good, i just want the good! And that is what I am struggling with right now. walking through broken pieces knowing that what they were was pretty and that what he can make them is prettier- but trusting that and not longing for how it was before the vase was broken. Sin is here. Period. The vase is broken- and so is my heart because of it. I just wish it weren't this way, and I guess now it's just a matter of learning how to live amongst the brokenness with a faith that rises above what I can see. I think when he presents me with the vase He's made out of all of my broken pieces, I'll be bedazzled by it and think it is marvelous. Til then- I'll be dreaming of what it looks like.

Update

Well, I am sitting in an office waiting for time to pass, so i thought i'd blog a bit to catch up. My mom's secretary is out, so i'm fillin' in "ERA Wilder Realty, may I help you?" It's been a while and there might not be anybody who still reads this thing, but it's mostly therapy for me anyway, so here's the update.

I'm not Jessica Hunter anymore, I'm Jessica Ryan. This is very weird. It is quite odd to just all of a sudden have a whole new name. I went to change my name on my license and it asked for my name and I wrote Jessica Hunter- that was pretty dumb- that was why I was there, to change it. Crazy. I still have to change a lot of other stuff too, but at the forefront is the signature. I'm tryin to figure out a cool way to write Ryan. A girls signature is very important. Better than a boys anyway, at least you can, most of the time, read it.

So far, it's pretty fun being married and we're getting our house all set up. I am thankful to the Lord for how he's provided. I do think I'll be writing 'thank-you' notes 'til Jesus comes back.

There's big parts of me that miss Clemson. I always heard about how hard it is to leave college because college isn't a real world- it's a bubble- and in Clemson there is a Christian bubble where there is lots of encouragment and teaching and growth- and then you graduate and the bubble bursts. I look forward to getting involved in lexington pres. and growing and learning and everything. If you aren't growing, you're dieing, you know. I am ready to start growing again.

I've been wondering a lot about to what extent the Lord works in us to accomplish what he desires to make of us and then how much of it we contribute to. It concerns me that my view for my life and his view for my life might not line up. He says to delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. I do delight in Him. But lately I have a pretty stinky attitude and I mostly just want to have a joyful heart that is quite and trusts. If you are a believer, please pray that for me. Pray that he would give that fruit of His spirit in me that produces that joy and love and patience and all the rest.

Life is so short and the past few months are a blur. I'm glad people took pictures at our wedding or else I don't think i'd have remembered it. It was a beautiful day and I look back and know that our God was glorified. May he be glorfied a million trillion bazillion times more with our life.

I guess i need to get a new blog if I'm going to continue writing in here, seeing as how my name isn't jessicahunter.blogspot.com. wonder if jessicaryan.blogspot.com is taken?

It's rained everyday for the past two weeks. You'd think the sky would run out of water by now.

me and B at kelli and trey's wedding

aren't they adorable together?!

kell's tryin real hard to cut her steak :)

Lil kelli belli's married!

silly blog

the blog won't let me post comments on others blogs.. it's been a problem for about two weeks now.. any suggestions?

silly blog

the blog won't let me post comments on others blogs.. it's been a problem for about two weeks now.. any suggestions?

The end of the road...

Well.. it was odd.. I left my house in Clemson this morning for the last morning that I will leave it in a morning. It was a little sad. My mama's coming up this afternoon to help me move the last few things out.. then it's back to lexington. Time is a weird thing. It can go really fast or really slow. You can wish it would last forever or hurry and be over... ben franklin says don't squander time, because that's the stuff life's made of... I've enjoyed my time here- I think it's especially emotional to leave my house in family housing remembering all the good times and great talks that were had there. It was a place where the gospel was preached to nations and nights were spent studying and the floors were always dirty, but it was special. It was good and a blessing. There are seasons in this life but my God never changes. And He is good. Life is a vapor. I can't wait til the day when like Peter in "The Chronicles of Narnia," I get to rub my face in the soft mane of the magestic Lion who is not safe but who is good.. I love that picture.

"LORD, make me to know my end
And what is the extent of my days;
Let me know how transient I am.
Behold, You have made my days as handbreadths,
And my lifetime as nothing in Your sight;
Surely every man at his best is a mere breath. Selah.
Surely every man walks about as a phantom;
Surely they make an uproar for nothing;
He amasses riches and does not know who will gather them.
And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You. " from psalm 39